Note to readers: Since it’s the holiday season I decided to interview Santa Clause about his landscape company. What? You never knew the guy had a landscape company? Read on my friends, read on.

Me: Hey, Santa, how’s it going?

Santa: It’s going great. I’m just getting the big red suit all tailored up.

Me: So, tell me about your landscape company; why did you start it?

Santa: Well, as you know, I don’t really have much going on most of the year so I thought why not do something during the summer months. I mean I only work one day out of the year as it is so why not make a few extra bucks over the summer?

Me: But there sure isn’t much grass to mow at the North Pole is there?

Santa: Heck no; I don’t live there year-round anyway. I spend my summers elsewhere. I can’t really tell you where though. I’m sure you understand.

Me: I understand. I hear you have a pretty rad set up for your gear; can you tell me about it?

Santa: Well I had the elves convert one of my old sleighs into a trailer. I just have the basics on there; a few mowers, trimmers, an edger and a blower. Nothing fancy.

Me: Whoa, hold on Santa, I heard you have a little more than that going on. Stop holding out on me and tell me about the magic dust.

Santa: Well, um it’s just … I only use it when I get behind. Being a landscaper and dealing with all the weather delays … it just makes it easier, that’s all. Throw a little magic dust here and there and those mowers go like Dasher on a double espresso.

Me: Do kids ever come up to you and tell you what they want for Christmas?

Santa: Nah, no one knows it’s me. I kind of look like a biker when I’m not in the suit, ya know?

Me: What is your favorite thing about being in the landscape business?

Santa:I get to be in the warm weather. I actually tan pretty well, too. I also like the physical work; when I’m up north the elves don’t let me do anything, so that’s why I get so chunky.

Me: One more question, Santa: Do you have any employees or are you just out there solo?

Santa: No, I’m out there by myself. Have you ever tried finding help in this business? It’s nearly impossible.

Me: You are telling me that Santa Clause himself can’t find help?

Santa:Hey I’m only Santa; I’m not a miracle worker.

Me: Thanks for the interview, Santa, and don’t forget that new guitar I want.

Santa: Merry Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho!